lake flaccid soup

last night's love session didn't go quite as arranged.

when i awoke this morning i found a little blue pill on my lovers pillow along with a note...

chilled cucumber soup
foreplay:

• 2 large peeled cucumbers
• 3 scallions, chopped
• 6 thin slices of a poblano chili
• 4 stalks fresh dill (or parsley) chopped
• 1 fresh lemon squeezed
• ¼ cup half & half
• 6 oz. plain yogurt
• 1 tablespoon salt 
• 1 tablespoon pepper

doin' it:

• cut cucumber in half, scrape out seeds and chop. (hold 1 inch of uncut cucumber aside)
• combine ingredients in a blender and run at high speed until creamy (30 sec). 
• freeze for 15 minutes 

climax:

• serve & garnish with paper thin slices of cucumber

..."dearest lover,
hoping this letter finds you well.

i regret to you inform you, to whom you refer as
"quartermaster winchester chesterfield"
and to who i more accurately refer to as your
"quarter-mast manhood"
passed away last night.

he is survived by your ego, unflossed teeth and that blue boa you curiously insist upon.

regretfully,
your (whenever you're ready) lover"

two fisted tokyo jerk

my lover found me in the bathroom
taking matters into my own hands.

i begged her forgiveness and a washcloth...

wasabi beef jerky
foreplay

• 4 pounds flank steak.
• 2 oz. wasabi paste
• 8 oz. soy sauce
• toothpicks

doin' it

• freeze steak for 10 minutes then slice into 1/4 inch strips
• mix wasabi paste and soy sauce (marinade)
• marinate steak strips for 6 hours
• stick a toothpick through one end of each strip
• hang each strip between top oven rack rungs
• cook at 200 degrees for 6 hours

climax

• store in fridge and enjoy at your whim

..."a washcloth?" she quizzically replied.

i shouted back lovingly
"damn it, woman, quickly!"

"this wasabi is starting to burn! it burns! it freakin' burns!"

she closed the door.